


Splat

by queenoftrivia



Category: Youtube Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Self-Loathing, bad day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:03:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5154683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenoftrivia/pseuds/queenoftrivia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack goes through some shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Splat

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically me in Jack's body. Sorry, Jack.

A door slams. Jack is in his recording room. Why? Who the fuck knows anymore.

Jack's been having a bad day. But, here's the thing: there was literally no reason for him to be having it. He should be having the time of his life, recording videos and playing video games for a living. He should be smiling away whatever bullshit pain he's feeling. He should be having a grand ol' time! He should be _happy!_

So then why the fuck is he on the brink of _tears?_ It just doesn't add up. He has a fucking incredible life. He has great friends. He's never had weird sad thoughts of this level, like, ever.

Why? And why _now_ , of all times?

His rolling chair makes a creaking sound under his weight, as it always has, but it's more piercing today. God knows why.

His computer is off, so he turns it on, partly with purpose, but mostly out of habit. He has something in mind, but... oh, fuck it, what's the point? It's all silly. Pointless.

As he's mindlessly starting up his computer, his mind is racing. But it's racing against nothing. It's just spinning around the racetrack with no destination, no point, no rhyme or reason. Just endless spinning. At the speed of sound. Bound to crash with explosions and bright colors of destruction flying through the air, shrapnel and other remains of his mind landing on the ground around the carnage. Maybe that's what's causing the ringing in his ears.

Who the fuck knows? Jack sure fucking doesn't.

In any other situation, he would tell himself that he's a failure. But he isn't, he's already cracked his brain in half trying to find proof of this concept and found nothing worthwhile to back up the claim. So he's fine. He should be.

So then why isn't he?

It's all fucking bullshit to get himself worked up for no reason, he keeps telling himself. His mind is just trying to... fucking... eat itself from the inside out. Why? _Why?_ There's no reason. It's fucking stupid! Just _stop!_

Oh, hey, look. There's literally fucking no one online. No one. Jack is fucking alone. Completely. He's alone. He knows he isn't, but he is. He feels that huge-ass boulder of Loneliness crushing his shoulders, feels the ground of Mental Bullshit seeming to come up to meet his face so his head can just _splat!_ between it and the boulder and he will crack. Not today. Not fucking today. It better not be.

Keep it together, Jackaboy. He can do this.

He sees someone pop online. It's a fucking miracle! Fuck whoever it is, fuck it, fuck it, he isn't fucking alone anymore. This is good. There will be another human. Good.

Wait. Fuck, it's Mark. Hold up. Mistake. Mistake. This was a mista-

"Hey, Jack."

"Fuck, sorry, didn't mean to call, hahahaaa..." Jack really needs to work on his fake laugh.

"Everything okay?" Mark's worried. He knew this was a mistake.

"No." Jack's voice is shaking. Shit. Mistake. _Mistake._

"What's going on?"

_How the fuck is he so calm? How the FUCK can a human being be so calm!?_

"What?"

_I fucking said that aloud. MISTAKE. M-I-S-T-A-K-E. IT FUCKING SPELLS MISTAKE. DO YOU GET IT?_

"Jack, what's going on?"

_So calm. Be like him._

_NO! FUCK THAT NOISE!_

"N-nothin'."

"Bullshit."

The Loneliness Boulder has transformed into the giant Self-Loathing Anvil.

_Your head's about to go SPLAT!, aren't you excited? It's gonna go splat and your brains are gonna spill out and all of your life will be for nothing! Oh wait, it already is for nothing! Isn't it great? You're an idiot! Why did you call Mark? You had no reason to. Now he's been dragged into this mess. It's all your fault!_

Splat.

"I shouldn't have called," Jack's way-too-calm voice assures. He hangs up before Mark can call him out on his obvious bullshit.

_Fuck._

A scream is heard. Jack's neighbors are used to it by this time. Jack isn't, though. Not this kind of scream. It's filled with anguish, hate, confusion, fear. It's accompanied by tears and sobs and hiccups. His body curls in on itself in a stupid, pointless attempt to shoo away the voice screeching in his ear. He knows it's all in his head.

He stumbles into bed and hopes for the best tomorrow.


End file.
